The Guilty Client: A New Defense Strategy
How the wily attorney can spare a client
from actually going to jail when convicted
May 24, Los Angeles
In an exclusive interview with Bruce Cutler, Esq. in his Century City office today I learned of a revolutionary new legal
defense strategy that will see its first test in the courts late in 2005.  Cutler is the current defense attorney representing
recording industry mogul Phil Spector, reputed by some to be the alcoholic ass who plays with live firearms.

Spector, as you may recall is the alleged pathetic little creature who leached off the careers of international recording
artists in the mid to late 20th century.  Now 65, Spector has been preserved in a pickling compound of bourbon, vodka,
peppermint schnapps and old memories.  Renowned for a reputation of waving loaded guns and abusing women,
Spector resides in a creepy mansion in Alhambra, California, apparently persona non grata in Hollywood.

When first arraigned, Spector was represented by well known attorney Leslie Abramson.  Abramson, a highly regarded
legal mind was fired by the Spector forces and replaced by Bruce Cutler.  This turn of events shocked the legal community
and reverberations were heard in watering holes across the legal spectrum.  Legal beagles far and wide speculated on
the reason behind the axing of Abramson.  It was widely believed that Abramson bailed when she realized the alleged
little slime ball did in fact allegedly murder Hollywood starlet Lana Clarkson in a cold blooded drunken stupor.  However,
the relieving of Abramson of First Chair responsibility was a calculated strategic decision by the Spector forces.

Here is what Cutler told me (after plying him with about six mixed drinks and some really primo Jamaican ganja) will be
going down in the court room:  Spector's trial is slated to begin in September, pre-trial motions are occurring currently,
with Spector present in public, in the court room.   Spector,  under the sage advice of his attorney has altered his
appearance, primarily his hair and make-up.  Photos taken in today's court proceedings document Spector's
transformation.  Spector, if they can keep him away from the booze, will morph in to a clone of Leslie Abramson.  
Beginning during jury selection in September Spector will apply a depilatory to his facial, chest, arm and leg tissue every
morning before court and engage Wally Westmore, of the famed Hollywood make-up artist family to refashion Spector's
face, through the application of special chemicals, make-up and artificial appliances, so that Spector will become a
perfect double of Abramson.  This transformation will climax during the time when the jury is in deliberations over the guilt
phase of the trial, at that time Spector will begin cross-dressing and coming to court daily in chic designer day-wear
obtained from Sacks Fifth Avenue's Petite Woman's Boutique.

Spector's legal team fully expects that their alleged weaselly little client will be found guilty in the guilt phase of the trial,
and they also expect that the judge will sentence Spector to at least 20 years in jail during the penalty phase.  But these
brilliant legal minds have guaranteed Spector that he will not spend a day in jail.  How will they accomplish this?  Through
trickery, legal chicanery and Hollywood magic.  Abramson will be brought back on to the legal team in a Second Chair
capacity, just prior to the end of the defense case.  At that time Abramson will have been undergoing a regimen of daily
male hormone shots for the previous three months.  Abramson will also eschew all "girl-y" outfits in her wardrobe, and
will be consulting with K.D. Lang on her new wardrobe.

Spector will never serve a day in prison because before the end of the trial, Spector, will take on Abramson's identity and
Abramson will take on Spector's identity, so that when "Spector" is sentenced, cuffed, shackled and hauled off to prison,
Abramson will be "Spector" and Spector will, as "Abramson" walk out of court a free man, er, free something.  

The transformation of Spector to Abramson and Abramson to Spector has already begun.  These exclusive photos are
proof positive that his new legal strategy will be a winner!
Leslie Abramson
(Or is it Phil Spector?)
Phil Spector
(Or is it Leslie Abramson?)
An Exclusive Special Report To The Harvard International
Law Journal By Renowned Attorney/Bail  Bondsman
Nelson S. Scheister