"W" Names Successor

In related news, President Bush has named Jenna Bush
to replace the seat being vacated by Justice O'Connor.  
In a statement issued by the White House Press Office,
Bush is quoted as saying: "In making this nomination I
feel it is important to the American people that Justice
O'Connor be replaced with another woman who has
been brought up with strong family values, who is also a
compassionate conservative.  I know for a fact that
Jenna's momma and grandma have passed on their
strong genes to her and she will serve her country well,
once unanimously confirmed by our good ol' boy

It is expected that the official nomination of Ms. Bush
will be presented to members of Congress at various
barbeque's during the coming holiday weekend, right
after the greased lightening has been passed around  a
few times.

Contacted by reporters, outside of the Notell Motel, in El
Paso, Texas this morning, Ms. Bush had this statement
for the press:

"I am honored that Daddy is bestowing this
responsibility on me, it just proves that I have
demonstrated for him that I have my shit together.  I will
take Daddy's comments today to heart, and will party on,
passionately!  And don't worry Daddy, the zipper on
these new jeans that Mama sent me works real well

Unnamed sources from inside the White House report
that Secretary of State Condolezza Rice has been in
contact with officials of Harvard University.  Ms. Rice, a
former Provost with Stanford University is said to be
using her connections in the education community to
expedite the confirmation and installation process of
Justice-In-Waiting Bush and is putting pressure on
Harvard officials to fast track Ms. Bush's legal education
and issue her a law degree before Labor Day.  Ms. Rice is
said to have threatened university officials that she will
have Mr. Rumsfeld transfer all of the Guatanamo
detainees to Harvard Yard if the university does not

It has also been reported that 97% of the incoming
Harvard Freshmen scheduled to begin classes in
September have all applied for transfer to McGill
University in Canada.