| "W" Names Successor In related news, President Bush has named Jenna Bush to replace the seat being vacated by Justice O'Connor. In a statement issued by the White House Press Office, Bush is quoted as saying: "In making this nomination I feel it is important to the American people that Justice O'Connor be replaced with another woman who has been brought up with strong family values, who is also a compassionate conservative. I know for a fact that Jenna's momma and grandma have passed on their strong genes to her and she will serve her country well, once unanimously confirmed by our good ol' boy Congress." It is expected that the official nomination of Ms. Bush will be presented to members of Congress at various barbeque's during the coming holiday weekend, right after the greased lightening has been passed around a few times. Contacted by reporters, outside of the Notell Motel, in El Paso, Texas this morning, Ms. Bush had this statement for the press: "I am honored that Daddy is bestowing this responsibility on me, it just proves that I have demonstrated for him that I have my shit together. I will take Daddy's comments today to heart, and will party on, passionately! And don't worry Daddy, the zipper on these new jeans that Mama sent me works real well Unnamed sources from inside the White House report that Secretary of State Condolezza Rice has been in contact with officials of Harvard University. Ms. Rice, a former Provost with Stanford University is said to be using her connections in the education community to expedite the confirmation and installation process of Justice-In-Waiting Bush and is putting pressure on Harvard officials to fast track Ms. Bush's legal education and issue her a law degree before Labor Day. Ms. Rice is said to have threatened university officials that she will have Mr. Rumsfeld transfer all of the Guatanamo detainees to Harvard Yard if the university does not cooperate. It has also been reported that 97% of the incoming Harvard Freshmen scheduled to begin classes in September have all applied for transfer to McGill University in Canada. |